


Cuddle Jam

by aceAdoxography, AllDaveKat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Out, Meteorstuck, Nonquadromantic Karkat Vantas, Panic Attacks, Quadrant Confusion, Roleplay Logs, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceAdoxography/pseuds/aceAdoxography, https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllDaveKat/pseuds/AllDaveKat
Summary: Karkat learns about touch starvation and gets worried about Dave.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 28
Kudos: 537
Collections: like i said DONE BABY





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter One written by [aceAdoxography](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceAdoxography/profile).

Karkat would rather pull out his teeth than admit it out loud but Dave might have a point about something for once. Talking to Rose _might_ have been a bad idea. Dave said she has a way of getting into your brain in an uncomfortable way and Karkat had brushed him off but now he isn’t so sure.

It had started out as a pretty typical conversation, is the thing. Karkat had been bitching as he tried to alchemize some decent fucking food for once and Rose, who had been in the kitchen poring over a book, had chimed in sarcastically and it had just spiraled from there.

Getting information about humans from Dave is an effort in futility because the asshole insists on trying to make him believe the most outrageous things. Rose, though, gives the insight willingly so long as Karkat shares things about trolls in return.

Here’s what Karkat has learned from this particular exchange of knowledge: humans are delicate as fuck. It’s a miracle their species survived long enough to evolve at all.

Chemical imbalances, susceptibility to bacteria, fragile mental states unless their habitat is just right for growth. It’s ridiculous. Luckily Rose and Dave godtiered, or they’d probably just be two more corpses by now.

The most outrageous thing Karkat learned, however, was just how much humans need touch. Rose had called it “skin hunger” initially but when Karkat balked at that (trolls call it grubsauce but it’s not made of actual grubs, even trolls aren’t cannibals what that _fuck_ is wrong with humans) she had changed it to “touch starvation.”

Apparently, humans _need_ touch to survive. Without it they get depressed, anxious, stressed, and can’t sleep. Rose had mentioned an experiment on some weird human animals that had chosen warmth and comfort over food as grubs, but Karkat had already zoned out at that point.

Because here’s the thing... Dave doesn’t let anyone touch him. He has a pretty large area of personal space, and Karkat had been witness to the very few times Rose had tried to reach a hand out to him, only for him to flashstep away and make an excuse to abscond. And though they haven’t really talked about it, from what little Dave has let slip about his upbringing Karkat can guess there wasn’t a lot of touching involved there, either. Or at least not a good kind.

And now Karkat is worried, and that’s so goddamn pale that it’s embarrassing. He’d finally decided that his feelings for Dave were firmly red but with this new information that’s just been torn to shreds, hasn’t it? But fine. Fine. Karkat can do pale. Who needs red anyway?

Fucking Rose.

There’s a chance she could be fucking with him but he doubts it. He’d seen the flash of worry in her eyes, quickly covered by amusement at his bafflement. He wonders if she’d told him this on purpose, if that quick look had meant _now you know, what are you gonna do?_

What are you going to do, Karkat?

He doesn’t have an answer yet. But he has to do something.

He starts small. He doesn’t want Dave to get suspicious, after all, or else the dumbfuck will put a stop to it. Doubly so if he ever found out Karkat got the idea from Rose.

Over the past however long they’ve been on this piece of shit meteor Karkat has somehow slowly become an exception to Dave’s personal space rule. Probably all the hours marathoning movies when stacking another can would have led to a complete mental break.

So during one of these marathons, when Dave reaches for the popcorn between them Karkat makes sure to reach out too, brushing his fingers against Dave’s hand lightning quick before withdrawing and shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth. He keeps his eyes on the movie but watches from his peripheral as Dave instantly freezes and then, with obvious effort, makes himself relax. The incident goes without comment.

Dave doesn’t reach for anymore popcorn during that particular marathon, but Karkat considers it a win regardless. And if Dave consumes more popcorn than ever before during their next one, Karkat doesn’t mention it. He does, however, brush against his hand twice more.

Under the guise of being a prick (not much of a guise, really but…) Karkat takes to bumping his arm against Dave’s while they’re walking in the halls. The first time he does it Dave jumps so high he actually starts floating, but laughs it off when Karkat gives him a weird look. Dave’s laugh, nervous though it is, makes Karkat’s bloodpusher beat so, so red.

Ugh, so much for keeping his quadrants separate.

He slowly, very slowly, increases the amount of times he and Dave touch. He hasn’t really noticed a difference in the human but honestly, he doesn’t even know what he’s looking for.

The first time he does something new is always the worst. Or, weirdest, he guesses. It’s not like it’s _bad_. Dave tenses up and freezes, like he’s not sure whether to fight or flee, and then slowly forces himself to relax. This doesn’t stop in the times after, but it’s never so obvious and Dave relaxes afterwards quicker and quicker.  
He does, however, become jumpier around Karkat. If Karkat moves quickly he’ll startle and tense, and he may be imagining it but Karkat thinks he sees disappointment hidden behind the facade when it turns out Karkat’s actions _aren’t_ about touching.

The first time Karkat reaches out and ruffles Dave’s hair playfully (something he’d seen in human movies once or twice) Dave startles so hard his sunglasses are knocked off his face and Karkat is treated to the sight of large red eyes staring into him. Karkat inhales sharply, red and pale swirling messily in his chest as he withdraws his hand.

Dave has small spots darker than his typical skin tone on his face. Shades of light blue and purple under his eyes and a scar cutting across the top of his cheekbone. In an instant Karkat understand why Dave always wears those stupid shades; without them he’s an open book.

Dave snaps out of it, scrambles for his glasses, and tears out of the room. When they come across each other later, much later, they don't talk about it. They talk so much, about so many things, but they don’t talk about this.

“How is it going with Dave?” Kanaya asks the next time they’re alone together.

Karkat scowls. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Kanaya sighs and looks at him with soft eyes. Karkat instantly feels like shit. Shittier than usual, even. He doesn’t know how she manages to do that, if it’s a jadeblood thing or rainbow drinker thing or purely a Kanaya thing.

“Rose is worried about him,” Kanaya says. She sips delicately out of a teacup she could probably crush with just a look. “I must admit, I am as well. He’s rather grown on me during our time here.”

Karkat had no idea Dave and Kanaya interacted at all, so that’s certainly a surprise.

“Well he’s fine. I’m fine. We’re both fine.” He honestly doesn’t know what to tell her. He’s never actually talked about what the fuck he’s trying to do with Dave; he barely knows himself. He hasn’t even had a conversation with his past or future selves using the trollian timeline feature, which is saying something.

“Karkat,” Kanaya sighs again and Karkat groans.

“What do you want me to say? I’m doing what I can! It’s weird as fuck and Dave’s weird as fuck and humans are so ridiculously breakable! Every time I look at them I expect them to break apart!”  
Kanaya makes a thoughtful hmm sound and takes a moment to watch him. He thinks she got this habit from Rose and wishes she didn’t. It is incredibly unnerving.

“I have found that while humans break easily, they also heal remarkably quickly if they let themselves,” Kanaya says, and she’s probably speaking from experience, given her and Rose’s relationship. He wants to ask if she’s dealt with quadrant smearing with Rose but doesn’t know if he wants the answer.

“I guess,” he shrugs, and wanders off to Can Town to see if he can find Dave.

When Karkat decides that the quick little touches just aren’t doing enough, clearly, he tries something he’s been thinking about for an embarrassingly long time. They’re on the couch and Karkat slings his arm over the back of it, almost around Dave’s shoulders. Dave, predictably, jumps.

And then he starts laughing, the asshole.

“Are you making a move on me, Kitkat?” He tilts his shades down to flutter his eyelashes and Karkat resolutely refuses to acknowledge the fluttering of his heart.

He shoves Dave off the couch, blood rushing to his face.

“You wish, Strider.”

Karkat wishes. Dave doesn’t need to know that though.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two written by [AllDaveKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllDaveKat/profile).

Dave is kind of freaking the fuck out. 

He’s been jumpy as all fuck for the past few weeks, because Karkat’s taken up this inexplicable new habit of _touching_ him. Not in a creepy way, just like, bumping him on the shoulder in the hall, or ruffling his hair, or brushing his hand against Dave’s casually like it’s an accident. 

It’s not like it’s bad or anything. Actually the opposite. It’s a problem how much it’s _not_ bad. Dave kind of can’t stop thinking about it. Every time he hangs out with Karkat now, he spends the whole time distractedly hoping that Karkat will reach out and grab his hand or hug him or something.

Last night he put his arm around Dave while they were on the couch, and Dave panicked. It felt so good that it scared the shit out of him, so he laughed it off and made fun of Karkat for it. Like a fucking coward.  Karkat stayed on the other side of the couch, not touching him the rest of the evening, and it fucking sucked. 

The thing is, he knows he’s weird about this shit, right? He’s watched enough movies to know that it’s not normal to cringe away from being touched by other people in a friendly way. And he has a few good guesses as to why he’s like this, and they all start with the letter B. It’s Bro, Bro is why. 

When Dave was growing up and shit, his Bro never like, cuddled him or anything. That would have been too uncool. The only times he touched Dave were either during a strife, to push him over or something, or afterward, when he was stitching up his cuts. And the aftercare only lasted until Dave was six or so, after that he was expected to take care of his own shit. 

So yeah, maybe Dave gets a little jumpy when his alien best friend tries to play platonic grab-ass with him on the couch. Maybe he reacts poorly and acts like he hates it when he really just wants way more. When the little touches Karkat’s giving him are kind of not fuckin’ enough.  The Rose in his head says maybe he should talk to Karkat about this, and he flips her off with both hands.

The next time he’s on the couch with Karkat, he’s tense and jumpy, wanting so badly for Karkat to sling his arm over him again. But he doesn’t.  The whole rest of the evening, he doesn’t. They watch two movies, eat popcorn, and not a single time does Karkat brush his hand against Dave’s. 

Why doesn’t he? Fuck. Dave must have fucked up too badly last time, now Karkat won’t want to touch him anymore at all.

Just the idea of that is enough to inject stupid, ridiculous panic into Dave’s veins, yet a-fucking-gain. He feels like he hasn’t been calm in months. Maybe ever. He clenches and unclenches his hands, his fingers feel numb, he hunches over and tries to breathe normally but it’s coming out all ragged and loud. Fuck, he fucking hates this so much.

“Are you okay?” Karkat asks cautiously.

Dave chokes out a laugh. “No, not fuckin’ really.”

“What-- what’s wrong? Are you sick or something?”

Dave shakes his head. “This is so fucking stupid.” He drops his face into his shaky hands and mumbles, barely audible, “How come you aren’t touching me anymore?”

“What?” Karkat leans down. “I can’t fucking hear you if you’re talking into your hands, Dave.”

Dave lifts his face up a fraction of an inch. “How come you aren’t. Touching me anymore.” He knows he sounds like a weird fucking asshole and he hates it. But he can’t-- he has to-- he just needs to get this shit out in the open and maybe then it won’t be weird anymore.

Karkat’s silent for a few moments, then he answers, sounding confused. “I thought you didn’t want me to? You acted pretty fucking bothered about it last time I tried, so. I thought it might be doing more harm than good at a certain point and I should probably stop.”

Dave sits up. “Wait, what? Doing more harm than good? What does that mean?”

“For your touch starvation,” Karkat explains. “Rose told me about how humans need physical touch to stay healthy, and you seemed like you weren’t really… going to make that happen on your own. I didn’t want you to fucking die of a dumbass reason like that, just because you’re too shitty at taking care of yourself.” 

Oh. _Oh._ Karkat was… trying to help him stay healthy? Because _Rose_ told him to? Fuck. That’s. Something. 

Dave isn’t sure how he feels right now. Touch starvation, huh? Is that even a real thing?

Half of him is pissed the fuck off that they think they know what’s good for him, better than he does himself. He’s annoyed that Rose would just sic Karkat on him like some kind of cuddle-attack dog, and annoyed with Karkat for going along with it. 

But the other half of him, which he thinks might be the healthier half? Is feeling kind of super warm and fuzzy about the fact that they give a shit about him enough to meddle like that. 

He turns to Karkat, not sure what he’s going to say. He opens his mouth. “Can you-- can you do it again?” His face is burning. 

Karkat looks bewildered. “What, touch you again? Yeah, sure, if you want.”

He scoots closer to Dave and puts his hand on top of Dave’s, where it’s lying on the couch cushion. It sends a jolt up Dave’s arm, and he jumps, even though he’s expecting it. 

“Are you okay?” Karkat asks warily.

“I--,” Dave’s voice breaks. “I need _more_.” He closes his eyes. “Maybe Rose is onto something with this touch starvation thing, because it seriously feels like I’m dying lately. And the only times I feel okay are when you’re, fuckin’. Touching me, god, I hate how that sounds. I know it’s completely lame and fucking uncool and gay of me, but I can’t-- it’s just not enough, and I can’t fucking reach over and cuddle you myself because I have issues on top of my issues, so I’m just stuck here marinating in my own uselessness wishing you’d hug me already.”

He really hopes Karkat got something out of all that word vomit, because he isn’t even sure what he’s trying to say at this point.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three written as an RP. [aceAdoxography](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceAdoxography/profile) wrote Karkat and [AllDaveKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllDaveKat/profile) wrote Dave.

Karkat is... not entirely sure what's going on with Dave. He'd been close to hyperventilating for a moment and now he's sunk in on himself, fidgeting, looking scared and guilty for having confessed... what? That he wants people to touch him? Of course he does; Rose had said humans thrive on it.

Or maybe Dave had just confessed he wants _Karkat_ to touch him. A blush rises to his face at the thought; he means it pale but it sounds so red.

He squeezes Dave's hand, warm underneath his, and thinks about what to do next.

"I thought--" he clears his throat and forces the words out. Fuck this is embarrassing. "I thought you didn't like being touched. You always avoid it and when I touched you before you were always so jumpy and tense. Rose said humans need it but it just seemed like you were getting worse. Is this," he squeezes Dave's trembling hand again, "a good thing? Are you sure?"

-

Dave's heart pounds, feeling the warmth of Karkat squeezing his hand. 

He huffs, embarrassed. "Yeah, it's a good thing. I'm just fuckin'... weird about this shit. For like, personal and uncomfortable reasons that I don't really want to talk about right now. The point is, I want you to cuddle the shit out of me but I can't just come out and ask for it in a not-excruciatingly embarrassing and convoluted way." 

He sits and fidgets, pretending his cheeks aren't blazing hot, hoping Karkat can take control of this slow motion car crash of a social situation before they go completely off the fuckin' rails, kind of like this metaphor has.

-

Karkat swallows nervously, blood pounding in his ears. "Yeah I think I can--we can do that," he says, pulling his hand away from Dave's. He lifts it, then pauses with a scowl. "I swear to fucking god Strider if you laugh this time I will end your life and it will be Just."

With that, he scoots closer and presses up against Dave, thighs touching. He slips his arm around Dave's shoulder, forgoing the ruse of having it rest mostly on the couch. He tries to relax.

Trolls don't need it the way humans do, but touching is nice. Not this kind of touching, though, not usually. Cuddling, Dave called it. Karkat's seen it in human movies. He doesn't think Dave properly grasps how romantic this is, in a concuspient way. How much he's trusting him now, exposing his organs and his sensitive grubscars.

All they need is a pile and this would rival the smuttiest of pale porn.

Dave making himself vulnerable in return makes his bloodpusher throb but fuck it all, he still wants to kiss him. He's such a piece of shit.

-

Karkat's thigh presses up against Dave's, and his arm wraps around his shoulders. Dave wonders if Karkat can feel his heart trying to pound out of his chest right now.

His body wants to pull away, he feels claustrophobic as shit. What if someone walked in and saw them like this? What would they think?

He knows logically that nobody actually gives a shit if he and Karkat are cuddling. Nobody on this meteor besides Dave has the slightest squeamishness towards gay shit. But still. He feels like he's being watched by Bro, somehow.

It feels so fucking good, though, so he forces himself to sit still and not push away. Instead he leans into Karkat, trying to drown out the panic with the comforting warmth of the troll's body.

-

Dave leans into him and Karkat's throat tightens. He knows this isn't easy for Dave either. Despite the bullshit he spews constantly, sometimes Karkat can see glimpses of trolls in Dave and Rose, hints at where they came from. Rose's sharp tongue and Dave's wariness hidden behind bravado.

He feels heavy with it; both amazed that of all the options on the meteor, Dave chose him and also fearful that he'll let Dave down. The last time someone had trusted him it had ended with his friends dead.

"We can stop whenever," Karkat says, trying to soften his naturally abrasive voice. Dave is strong, sturdier than Karkat himself due to his godtier powers, but he feels so fragile under his arm. "If it's too much."

-

Dave turns his head and presses his face into Karkat's chest. He's so warm.

"It's not too much," Dave mumbles into Karkat's shirt. "Still doesn't feel like enough, actually."

He wants so badly to drown out the voices in his head, that are telling him he's wrong for wanting this, wrong for wanting to touch a boy. Even an alien boy. 

He looks up at Karkat and reaches out with a shaky hand, touching him on the face. Kind of like a pap, but he doesn't move his hand away afterward. He holds eye contact with Karkat through his shades for a long moment.

-

Dave sort of... moves his his face against Karkat's chest and the troll panics for a second, embarrassed that he might hear just how quickly his bloodpusher is beating. The last thing he needs is Dave figuring out he has a weird multi-quadrant crush on him. Not that humans do quadrants but. Whatever.

Dave would be uncomfortable with it, and it would ruin whatever the fuck it is they're doing right now. And Karkat would rather pull his own gastric sac out through his mouth than have Dave pull away from him.

Dave peers up at him from behind his shades. He's leaning his weight into him and it's weird to see him from above like this; Dave is so much taller than he is. Then he reaches out and places a hand on Karkat's cheek and Karkat freezes. His mind blanks before kicking into high gear.

This is. This is very close to papping, but Dave's hand is just sitting there, cupping Karkat's cheek gently, like Karkat is the one with paper thin skin and porcelain bones.

But, Dave had said it wasn't enough. He probably just wants... more area to be covered and Karkat's face is prime real estate, he guesses, because this meteor is freezing and they're both covered head to toe. So Karkat lifts his free hand to cover Dave's, hoping that will help, hoping Dave doesn't pick up on his nervousness and the impossible hope he tries to stomp down on.

"Dave?" he prompts.

-

Dave hears Karkat say his name, but it feels like his head is underwater, there's a loud rushing sound in his ears that makes everything sound distant. 

He realizes suddenly that he wants to kiss Karkat. Like, on his mouth. 

He opens his mouth to-- what, tell him? Say something stupid to push his friend away again? He doesn't know. 

He shuts his mouth again, and then, before he can chicken out, closes his eyes and leans up and smushes his mouth against Karkat's. It's clumsy and he aims too far to the right, so he really ends up kissing the side of Karkat's mouth. 

He pulls away lightning fast and looks down at his knees, feeling like he's about to vibrate out of his skin.

Holy shit, did he actually just do that? Why did he just do that? Does he like Karkat? Does he like guys now? What the fuck is happening?? 

He bites his lip and tries to breathe, terrified to look at Karkat to see his reaction.

-

Dave is silent for a moment--he's being so quiet, is that a bad thing? Normally Karkat wants to gag him just to get a fucking second of silence but now he finds himself missing the mind numbing chatter.

Then Dave is moving, so quick, Karkat always forgets how quick he can be, and his face is very close and there's pressure on his mouth and then Dave's pulled back and isn't looking at him anymore.

It takes a moment for Karkat's brain to catch up. His eyes are wide, mouth dropped open in surprise. Did Dave just kiss him? ...On purpose?

He takes a deep breath. What the fuck. What the fuck? What does he even say? Why isn't Dave looking at him?

"What the FUCK Strider?" Oh, anger, okay. Anger is safe and familiar, he can do anger. "Are you fucking with me right now? I thought you ‘weren't human gay'?!"

A thought hits him and his bloodpusher sinks to his feet. Did Dave... realize...? "Are you mocking me right now?!"

He's being irrational, he can feel logic pounding at the door of his mind, but the feeling of betrayal blocks it out. He thought they were having a moment.

-

Fuck. Dave hears the anger in Karkat's voice and panics. 

"No! I'm not mocking you. I just thought--," he cuts himself off. What did he think? That Karkat might be attracted to him? No, he didn't think about anything and just acted, damn the consequences. And now Karkat is pissed at him. 

He knows, he fucking knows that Karkat's not going to hurt him, not gonna beat his ass for being gay or whatever, but his body apparently didn't get the message because he can't stop fucking shaking. To his horror, his eyes prickle with tears, and he clenches his jaw in an effort not to let them fall. 

He doesn't fucking know what to do. He just sits there miserably, waiting for Karkat to tell him their friendship is over, say that he thinks Dave is lame and weak for liking guys, and push him down a flight of stairs.

-

It's the fucking shaking that does it. Dave curled in on himself, trembling like crazy. Like he thinks Karkat is going to fucking hurt him and he won't even try to defend himself. Pity wells up up in his throat and he releases a fucking chirp. Goddammit no. He's angry. He's angry!

"You thought what, Dave?" He demands, ignoring the warring feelings in his chest. "That it would be funny to rub my feelings in my face? Ha fucking ha. Karkat Vantas, quadrant flipping asshole extraordinaire! Gets a crush on his best friend. So damn funny. Are you pissed at me for talking to Rose? Trying to help you? Fuck you, Strider. I thought we were friends."

He's standing now. When did he stand up? His hands are balled into fists and he's clenching his teeth but--his stance is defensive. He considers absconding, fleeing from this humiliation and spending the rest of their trip on this godforsaken meteor holed up in his respite block. What the fuck ever, right?

-

Fuck fuck fuck! This is going so fucking badly. Dave has no idea how to stop it, how to make Karkat calm down and stop yelling at him. 

He latches onto one thing Karkat said, and his heart pounds in his chest like he's just finished a two-hour-long strife on a hot Texas summer day. 

"Wait, you. Have a crush on me?" he asks incredulously. He pauses, then blurts out, "Why?"

-

Karkat is losing his goddamn mind. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY?"

Then what Dave really said sinks in and Karkat feels his eyes widen. His mouth falls open slightly in shock and, for once in his miserable excuse for a life, he is at a loss for words.

-

Dave stumbles on his words. "Uh, sorry, fuck, that was a dumb question. Obviously you wanna get all up on this Strider bod, who wouldn't?"

He tries to inject the words with his usual swagger but they sound flat and forced to his ears. 

He still can't look at Karkat.

-

Karkat splutters in disbelief. "Are you fucking joking right now? Dave what the actual fuck!"

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Relaxes his hands. Unclenches his jaw. Dave is still sitting on the couch, looking small and awkward and pitiful, and Karkat remembers Rose telling him how frustrating Dave can be, how he had a tough childhood but won't talk about it. Remembers Kanaya telling him humans can heal remarkably quickly if only they let themselves.

Okay. Fine. He's doing this, apparently. He doesn't want to, but...

"Yes, Dave. I like you. I have a crush on you. Thanks for fucking noticing." It's not like everyone else on the meteor doesn't already know or anything. God, Karkat's so transparent it's embarrassing. "Now what the fuck is going on?"

-

Dave's mouth drops open silently. His eyes are wide behind his shades. Karkat... likes him? Romantically?

What does that mean? 

He's still not sure how he feels, his emotions swirling around like a tornado destroying all rational thought in his brain. He needs more fucking time to think about this.

"Um, uh," he stammers. "Wait. What, uh, what quadrant?"

-

Fucking shit weasels. Of course Dave would ask the most embarrassing awkward question that Karkat hates thinking about. His face feels disgustingly warm and he fidgets.

"What does it matter? Humans don't do quadrants." He scowls. "And you're 'not human gay,'" he uses his fingers to make quotation marks around the dumbshit phrase, "as you like to remind me fucking constantly."

-

Dave frowns. "You're telling me that quadrants don't matter? That's a change of pace. Uh. Also. Uhm. I'm... I might not have been right about..."

He can't do this right now. He can't fucking tell Karkat he thinks he might actually be gay, like, three seconds after he maybe figured it out himself. He's not even sure... He doesn't know what he is. He just knows he has to get himself out of this fucking situation before he says something that makes it even worse.

He stands up to leave, but then he looks at Karkat's. The open look of hurt and betrayal on his face makes Dave freeze. Fuck. He can't do a single fucking thing right, can he?

He sits back down and stares at his shoes.

"Okay. Fuck. I guess we're talking about this right now. I, uh. I might have not been correct about certain stuff I said about human sexuality earlier, in so far as it pertains to, uh. Me." His face burns, he has no idea if Karkat even understood any of that nonsense.

-

Dave gets up to leave and Karkat's bloodpusher sinks to the floor, but then he finally looks at him and sits back down immediately, which is weird, but... better.

Karkat can't take much more of this emotional turbulence. His eyebrows raise so high they feel like they're about to crawl off his face when Dave admits to... maybe being wrong about his sexuality?

Taking another deep breath, Karkat walks over and plops back on the couch, a good few feet of space between him and Dave.

"Are you saying you are human gay?" he asks. "Or that you're just like, normal?"

-

"I don't... I don't fucking know," Dave says, his voice cracking embarrassingly. Goddamnit. 

"Like, I'm not really an expert on human sexuality or anything. I know there's other stuff besides straight and gay, but I don't know how you know if you belong to one of those or not. All I know is, I really like you. And I can't stop looking at you and wanting to, fuckin', be around you and kiss you and stuff."

Dave wants to die. Please, let him die here. Would it be Heroic for how much courage he just burned up saying all that shit? Or would it be Just because of what a fuckin' asshole he's being right now?

-

"You want to kiss me?" It's out before Karkat has a moment to process what a monumentally stupid question it is. Dave had just said that, and done it just before; but the concept is still so unexpected that Karkat can't seem to wrap his mind around it.

Karkat's thought about kissing Dave before. Of course he has. Probably too much, honestly, because he's awful and pathetic. But why would Dave want to kiss him?

"Nevermind, that was a stupid question." He sinks into the cushions and forces out his next sentence. "Look, I-- and I swear on everything left in this universe that if you tease me about this I'll make you wish you could stay dead--I can't fucking keep myself in a single quadrant.

"I want to kiss you but sometimes you're just so goddamn pitiful that I want to drag you into a pile and shooshpap you until you--I don't know. Fall asleep or something." Holy fuck that's embarrassing to admit. Why did he admit to that? Not that Dave will understand exactly what that means but...

"And other times you're so pan-rottingly annoying I can't believe I ever felt anything but pitch for you. Do you know how wrong it is to flip from pale to black, Dave? Do you? It's ridiculous. Trolls don't do that."

Another breath. Try to calm down, Karkat, for fuck's sake. "I just mean. You're not the only one confused here."

-

Oh. Shit. Wait, does that mean... Karkat's been freaking out about this shit just as much as he has?

Man, that's fuckin' ironic. Not the cool kind, either.

He focuses in on Karkat saying he wants to kiss him too. And pap him or something. Dave isn't totally sure what the implications of that are, but he thinks it's kind of like a cuddle pile. He'd be down with that... 

And pitch. Well, he does really love pissing Karkat off, he can't deny that. At least, he usually does, when Karkat's not sitting there looking like his lusus just died.

Right now, he just wants to give Karkat a fuckin' hug. He guesses... maybe he can do that? Should he ask first? Is that weird?

He decides to just go for it. He scoots over, closing the distance between them on the couch, and leans over, hugging Karkat sort of awkwardly around the waist.

"Uh. Sorry about being such a fuck-up," he mumbles, squeezing him tight.

-

Dave's hands slip around his waist, moving gently over his grubscars before finding their place, and Karkat tries not to shiver from the sensation. Dave doesn't even know about grubscars, probably.

Dave apologizes for being a fuckup and any resistance he'd had melts. He wraps his arms around Dave's shoulders and pulls him in close. His nose is close to Karkat's neck and he pushes away the instinctive panic that comes with that. Even if humans had teeth capable of puncturing troll skin, it's Dave.

"You're not a fuck-up," Karkat says. "Or, well, maybe you are, but I am just as much, I guess. Our worlds really did a fucking number on us, huh?"

A calming rumble threatens to escape from his chest and though he tries, he fails at stopping it.

-

Dave laughs, a short choked-off sound. "Yeah, I fuckin' guess so." 

All of a sudden he feels Karkat's chest start to rumble with a noise like a miniature engine, and the sheer weirdness of it distracts him from how shitty he's feeling. He looks up at Karkat with curiosity.

"Bro, are you... purring?" he asks. He rubs his hand over Karkat's chest, trying to determine the source of the sound.

-

Dave laughs and Karkat feels a weight lift off him. He's suddenly extremely exhausted. Then Dave starts feeling up his chest and Karkat bats his hand away, biting his lip to keep from laughing in return. He's so fucking ridiculous.

"Yes, you asshole. It's a pale thing." He figures there's no point trying to hide it anymore and stops fighting it. The rumbling gets louder.

-

"So, what, it means you're feeling sorry for me?" Dave asks. "How does pale actually work? I know you've explained it to me like twenty times but I wasn't actually listening any of those times. Actually, never mind, don't tell me, I still won't pay attention."

The knowledge that he's... affecting Karkat in some way, is intoxicating. He wants to hear him make other sounds, watch him fall apart under his hands.

Feeling a bit braver, he lets go of Karkat and sits up, facing him. 

"I wanna try kissing you again," he says. He knows he's blushing, but, fuck it. Karkat likes him, right? He said so himself.

-

It's surprisingly difficult to let Dave pull away when all Karkat wants to do is crush him against his chest and keep him there until he's calm and content.

Then Dave's talking about kissing and. Oh. That is some definite quadrant smearing. Does Dave even realize? Probably not. Even less likely that he realizes what it does to Karkat.

"I--" he clears his throat. "I wouldn't mind that." A frown. "And I knew you weren't listening to me you absolute shitwaffle."

-

"Well, you're the one who wants to make out with a shitwaffle," Dave returns with a smirk. "Get some shit-syrup all up on this bitch, maybe some nice shitberries and shitcream."

He stops. Maybe he shouldn't just be talking about shit while he's trying to kiss Karkat.

His heart rate picks up again, and he leans in, keeping his eyes open this time so he doesn't fucking miss again. He presses his lips gently against Karkat's. It feels soft and warm. He's not sure if he's doing this right. He moves his lips a bit to see if that's better.

-

Dave kisses him again, but this time it's better. He's expecting it, for one, and it lasts longer. Dave's lips are a warm pressure against his own, and when he starts moving them Karkat's gastric sac flutters pleasantly.

He presses back and slips one arm around Dave's waist. The other finds itself in his hair. Humans are soft all over, but especially their hair. Karkat moves gently, so gently, mindful of his claws. But before he can really try to relax he becomes aware of a problem.

He pulls back with a scowl. "Take off your fucking shades. They're in the way."

-

Dave freezes when Karkat asks him to take off his shades.

Fuck it. He's already this far, right? He turns away and pretends his hand isn't trembling a bit as he takes them off, setting them down on the coffee table. 

He turns back toward Karkat, avoiding eye contact with him, feeling way too fucking vulnerable. God damnit, he was doing okay but now it's awkward again. He taps his fingers on his leg nervously. Fucking get it together, Strider.

-

Dave takes off his stupid sunglasses but seems nervous once more. Karkat frowns, wondering if he should have just suffered through the annoying press of metal and glass against his face. But no, this will be better. Besides, he likes Dave's eyes.

He reaches out and places his hand on Dave's cheek, a mirror of what had started this mess in the first place, and presses back in. Their lips meet and Karkat tilts his head so their noses aren't mashed together and yeah.

He pulls back long enough to approvingly say, "Better," before diving back in.

-

The feeling of Karkat's mouth on Dave's helps to drown out the paranoid voices in his head. It feels nice. Warm. Exciting.

He keeps kissing him, feeling Karkat's hot breath ghosting over his lips, noticing how his teeth poke out adorably over his bottom lip. 

After a few minutes of more chaste kissing, he hesitantly sticks his tongue out to meet Karkat's lips. That's a thing people do, right?

-

Dave's tongue touches Karkat's lower lip and he jolts back a bit, staring at Dave with wide eyes.

He'd expected it to be soft because it seems like everything about humans is, but... "Your tongue is slimy."

Not that that's a bad thing necessarily. Just... unexpected. _Dave_ is unexpected. And, the back of his mind registers helpfully, so very pretty.

-

"Uh, yeah, is yours not?" Dave asks. He licks his lips nervously. Maybe Karkat's not gonna be into this. That's okay, they can just go back to regular kissing, he liked that too.

He finally makes eye contact with Karkat, looking into his pretty yellow and black eyes. He's like a sexy cat, or-- something that sounds less weird, dammit. For the millionth time, Dave's glad nobody in this room can read his mind.

-

"No, it's uh..." Fuck, talking about alien biology was a lot easier when it was with Rose and he didn't want to kiss her. "It's like, kind of.. rougher? Just.. come here."

He pulls Dave back in, pressing their lips together once more. Then he slips his tongue out, licking across the seam of Dave's lips. And when that doesn't get the reaction he wants he very, very gently uses his teeth to bite and pull Dave's bottom lip so he opens his fucking mouth.

The texture of Dave's tongue doesn't take him by surprise this time and he lets out a soft sigh.

-

Karkat's tongue slips into Dave's mouth, and yeah, he was right, it's just... rougher. Feels a little less prone to swelling up in pain if you accidentally bite it. Why is he thinking about this right now, Karkat's kissing him?

He sucks at Karkat's tongue, pushing his face up against Karkat's in his enthusiasm. Fuck, that's such a weird feeling, but he likes it. A lot. 

They kiss for another few minutes like this, making small noises into each others' mouths. When it feels like it's getting a bit too exciting, Dave pulls away and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. He doesn't want things to go too far, not that he's even really sure what that means in terms of alien biology. Just... not today.

He gives Karkat a brief grin. "Uh, good job with the kissing, man." 

He sticks his fist out for Karkat to bump.

-

Karkat makes a little bereft noise when Dave pulls away. He was rather enjoying the kissing. When Dave sticks out his fist Karkat is overcome by a wave of secondhand embarrassment. He covers his face with one hand and fist bumps Dave with the other.

"I can't believe I like you," he groans, flopping back on the couch and trying to memorize the feeling of his lips tingling from kisses.

-

"I can't either," Dave says, smiling. 

He leans up against Karkat's shoulder.

"So what, are we like, boyfriends now?" he asks. He still feels kind of shaky talking about it, but he's definitely confirmed that yes, Dave Strider does like kissing boys. A whole fuckin' lot, in fact.

-

Karkat slings his arm over Dave's shoulders, the motion coming easier to him now. He hopes Dave likes it as much as he does.

"Boyfriends are human matesprits?" He asks, just to buy himself a little time to think. He'd mentioned his bullshit relationship with quadrants before and he didn't really want to get into again, but since they're actually talking like mature fucking adults for once...

"Matesprits is good. Great. But uh." He hopes he comes off as less of a greedy, needy asshole than he thinks when he says this. "Are you... okay with me liking you in different quadrants? I don't think I can control that. I've tried before but it never seems to fucking work out."

He fidgets with Dave's dumb godtier cape and bites his lip.

-

Dave fights a stupid smile off his face at the feeling of Karkat's arm on his shoulders. It just feels so fucking nice. He's such a weirdo, getting all emotional about a little cuddling, god.

He clears his throat. "Yeah, I think it's like the same as matesprits, or at least pretty close. Like, you basically hang out and go on dates and stuff. Or, idk, maybe just hang out and kiss sometimes. We don't really have anything to do that would qualify as an actual date around here."

He listens to Karkat's concerned voice as he asks him about liking him in different quadrants.

"Yeah, why would I have a problem with that?" he asks. "I mean, that's basically how human romance works anyway. We don't have, like... different kinds of romance, we kind of smoosh them all into one. I think it's kind of like exactly what you're talking about actually. At least, that's how I feel it."

He reaches out and grabs Karkat's hand, squeezing it comfortingly.

-

Dave squeezes his hand and Karkat's bloodpusher responds in kind. It's a relief to hear him say, but part of Karkat is concerned that once Dave realizes how fucking weird it is for a troll to be interested in a single person in all their quadrants he'll change his mind, but for now... For now he can let it go. Enjoy it while he can.

"Okay," he says. "We'll be your human boyfriends then."

It feels so fucking good to have a label for this, even one he barely understands.

He drops his head to the side and nudges it against Dave's. He realizes Dave hasn't put his shades back on and feels like a balloon is expanding in his chest.

"I really fucking like you Dave," he admits.

-

Dave's heart leaps in his chest and his insides squirm nervously. He thinks maybe he's... happy? Terrified also, but happy.

"I really fucking like you, too," he says, ducking his head and smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter now has adorable [fanart](https://ultragayturtlepride.tumblr.com/post/621362798344192000/ultragayturtlepride-okay-so-i-made-some-fan) by [TurtlePride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurtlePride/pseuds/TurtlePride)!

**Author's Note:**

> Karkat: @AAdoxography  
> Dave: @alldavekat
> 
> come say hi in the [davekat discord server](https://discord.gg/wGqTQmN) (18+)!


End file.
